Fresh start...

The days have shifted. One door coses and another opens. But where does that leave me. I ask my self. It seems the seasons are changing yet again. A new leave to turn over. A new story to write. A new begining. Time to see what else is in this world. So good bye my old home... And hello to the world...

Just some random thoughts

Life always holds a lot of questions… Questions we don’t always have the answer to. Or questions that we find others have the answer to.

“To every thing there is a season, and time to every purpose under the heaven:A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal;... a time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from

embracing;A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” – Bible

Yes I know its not often where I go and quote a bible… But today it seemed fitting… I once was told that there is a love for every season… A season for young love, as season for the love of comfort and security, love for romance and passion and lastly the season of love of a lifetime ending. Things change through time… Time changes everything. We don’t necessarily have to give up one to have the other. People come people go. Just because someone you loved is gone doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to love again. Some people are lucky and have more then one great loves in their life’s… Some only have one. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change what we felt for them. It doesn’t change the intensity of that fire or the heat of the passion behind it. Life happens it happens every second we are breathing. Every heart beat we take. We are never as old as we are now and never as young as we were a moment ago. We are in constant change.

“Soul mates are blessed with a grand awakening of souls where they undergo a kind of romantic evolution. They unknowingly help each other heal their past in the process of loving each other. They appreciate each others uniqueness and cherish their divine union for an entire lifetime….”Aarti Khurana

Our souls often long for something or someone else. I believe that there is something invisible that connects us.

“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.”

I believe that no matter what happens in life that the little red string tied around a finger is connected to my other half. Just like i believe that everyone else has that red string of fate. But as I said, I believe also that some may also have more then one person tied to that string. We all have our great love/loves of our lives. That can never be helped. It’s just a matter of if we wish to open our eyes and see it. If we wish to see it. If we don’t close our eyes and turn away from it. It is our unavoidable truth. It is there. the light in the dark. It can be tiny or it can be brutally bright to the point it’s overwhelming. But it’s there. A thief in the night…

Soul mates attract each other like magnets. No matter in which part of the world they are they will meet somewhere, some place and somehow because they are destined to meet. There comes a time when their destiny brings them together and a thousand jigsaw pieces will fall into place. Once they meet they unite in an eternal and timeless bond for an entire lifetime…. Aarti Khurana

But alas, things change. Life has to go on we have to evolve in order to survive.

What I am is how I came out. No one’s perfect and you just have to acept your flaws and learn to love yourself. – Kelly Brook

I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, we don’t like that. It’s great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you’re worried about. I find flaws attravtive. I find scars attractive. -Angelina Jolie

I don’t see myself as beautiful, because I can see a lot of flaws. People have really off opinions. They tell me I’m skinny, as if that’s supposed to make me happy. – Angelina Jolie

I’m hard on myself, so I’m working on shifting perspective towards self-acceptance, with all my flaws and weaknesses. – Gwyneth Paltrow

Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are. – Ariana Grande

We do what we do. We live as we live. We are who we are. And no one can take that away from us but us. No one can tell us we can be our self’s but our self’s. No one can change who we are but us. No one can demand anything from you unless you allow them to. Our lives are like a book. The ending is there, it’s just not for us to know just yet. So it’s up to us to live each day one at a time. Take each breath as a blessing never give up the fight. Even if it seems futile. Never let them see how they can easily hurt you. Cause unfortunately sometimes that gives them power…Power over you. Power over what they can do to you. Tears are good. Tears make us human. Just like pain. Happiness and sorrow come hand and hand, you can’t have one with out the other. You sometimes have to learn how to lie before you learn how to tell the truth. Sometimes you have to learn how to hurt before you can learn how to survive. You can have trust with out betrayal. It’s yin and yan. You can never have one with out the other. Doesn’t mean that they will happen at the same time or be from the same person. It just means that they will happen. Life and death. Somethinghas to end for something to begin and something has to end for something to begin… We can never see where it starts or where it ends. It’s just like a triquetra (or in other terms a Celtic knot).

We all seek truths. But what truths we seek are up to us. Some want the truth of life. Some love. Others any truth will do. But we all are seeking a truth that is only known to us. And eventually we may find those truths in our self’s or in others. We also may never find those truths. But we at lest try and we at lest make the effort to do so. But in the end… We are who we are… We love, we have lose, we are all born to die, we are born to live… Its just up to us on how we choice to do so…

~Vivi (or my typist Raven)

Trust the "unseen"

Vivi sat quietly at her desk pen tapping her lower lip in time with the grandfather clock that stood off to her right. Blank pages laid across the table in front of her waiting patiently for some form of strocks to come across them but at the moment nothing could come to her almost blank mind. Lately her mind felt more cluttered then normal. Almost as though instead of just her normal thoughts and the normal connection she held with her other half and his sibling she felt as though somewhere, somewhere braided deep. Deep in the darkest corner of her mind that something was there. Something she just couldn't place her finger on. And occasionally she felt the urge lately to just skip. Her noes twitched at the very thought, skipping, something she had never done to her knowledge so why would she want to do it now. And from that dark corner she could swear she herd laughing. Sighing she shook her head and set to her daily duties of putting pen to paper. Or so she had planed to till from somewhere to the left and behind her she herd a giggle. Turning sharply hand raised to snap at who ever it be she was greeted with nothing, nothing but the books that lined the walls. Narrowing her eyes she took a deep breath and slammed her pen down on the desk and stood having had enough of her inability to concentrate she moved to leave the room and head to her own bedroom. But as she pasted some of the mirrors on the walls she swore she could see something else in the mirrors other then just her reflection. Stopping at the third she turned to look at it. Her vision blurred for a moment and after blinking a few times she could see what she thought was her self but was clearly not her. This version had her hair up in pig tails the tips died and had makeup on. "Who?" She asked, "you." Was its only answer. Narrowing her eyes at her own reflection she herd the one behind her giggle, "I am you, sweety. And I'm bored. So let us have some tea." Her eyes widen for a moment before her knees gave out and then all went black. She came to moments later her back ageist the wall a warm liquid coming from her forehead slowly crept down her face reaching up with her right hand she whipped at it only to remove her hand and realize it to be blood. Looking around the floor around her were pieces of various sizes and shapes of the poor mirror that had once been whole above her head. And as she looked into the pieces she could see the figure smiling back at her, "Another time, sweets. Another time for tea." Then just as soon as she had seen the figure it vanished, shaking her head she stood and placed her hand on her head to stop the bleeding before making her way to the bathroom, "that's it, no more listing to them. All these years and I'm finally going off my rocker, it's all their fault. I just know it, one of them is up to their tricks again..." After cleaning the cut and bandaging it, along with cleaning up the mess she had made with the mirror she laid down for bed, but just as she closed her eyes she herd the giggle again, "tick tock goes the clock, and then we will be free to have tea. Tick tock goes the clock, and we will be me..."

Dreams of Light...

The chirping of the birds was the first thing to alert her but what brought her out of her slight nap was the warmth of the sun on her face. She rolled over and was greeted by the sight of green grass that lead up the a stone wall covered with ivy. Moving to sit up her small bare feet touched the cool ground her small toes curling to grab the grass. Stretching a moment like a kitten uncurling from a ball. Her tiny hands reached up for the sun above her, before she moved to stand. Blinking she looked around her and smiled as she herd a far off voice calling for her. Giggling she took off running in the direction of the voice before stopping as she came to a stone wall maze. Her white dress wrapping around her legs small hands moved to cup her mouth as she called out, “Momma!!! Momma!!” She stood there waiting and only moved when she herd the replay, “This way.” Before she took off once again moving threw the maze with well practiced ease and knowledge of the area. Coming to the opening for the middle of the maze she smiled brightly as a child would at the site of a blond woman standing beside a flowing three tier water fountain. It wasn't orate in any way it was normal and plain but yet the woman in white that was standing there made it seem grand. Running to the woman the little girl threw her arms up wards and outwards the woman laughed at the little girl but still bent down to pick up the little girl and spin her around. Once the little girls feet touched the ground again the woman smiled and lightly mumbled out, “lets go find your father little one.” But as the little girl looked up at her mother the sky which was clear and blue suddenly had dark clouds and lightning filled it and the woman who was standing there was now missing. The little girl looked around her as her eyes looked upon everything things were changing. The ivy vines and grass were now ash the soft ground was now cracking the walls were crumbling. The flowing water was dried up and the fountain was spiting and crumpling. Looking down at her feet they were no longer the size of a child’s but that of an adults the once white dress she had worn now red. Then as she watched the ground under her feet disappeared, a scream tore from her lips as she fell into the blackness.

Viviane woke with a start chest heaving as she looked around her eyes settled on the white haired man beside her. Closing her eyes she took a few deep slow breaths to calm her self before laying back down and snuggling up to the man she once again closed her eyes and settled back down to sleep. Once again to dream of the woman in white and her last day in light...

Love and Hate

Love can be wonderful, passionate, fulfilling, beautiful. Hate is the opposite of love, nasty, vengeful, ugly. But yet one can not really know what it means to truly love until they first know what it means to hate...

She moves quietly and quickly  through the house her feet make little to no noise as they touch the floor with each step she takes. She could feel his presence there even if she could not see him and after all the time she had spent away from him, the once comfort she received from it now suffocated her. So she ran from it not really knowing where it is or where she was headed all she knew was that she had to get away from it.

His eyes stocked her as she ran. He growled under his breath as he watched her run from his very presence. Not liking what he was seeing he continued to fallow like he was a cat playing with a mouse.

She ran unforchantly for her into the corner he was trying to back her into, hitting the wall with her back hard she panicked before remembering the one shuriken and one sai that she had hidden under her kimono strapped to her leg for safety measures. Grasping at the folds she tore them apart to grab at the blades pulling them out and holding them in her hands she stood there determent to stand her ground, even if it was a loosing battle she would do her job no matter what the cost.

He stepped forwards into the opening of the small ally way that currently held her captive. He had already drawn the katana and was letting it drag the ground beside him. Its blade shined in the moon light gleaming at her almost tauntingly laughing at her as it soon new it would taste her blood once again. His eyes narrowed at her before he spoke quietly but with a distinct growl that told her he was furious, "Why did it have to be you?" Was all she herd him say before the metal of his katana met the metal of her sai in her right hand.

She shock her head at him, "Who else would they send to go agents you, no one else would do it. So it had to be me. It would be me sooner or later." She mumbled as tears slowly moved down her face, "I did not want to be the one to do this..." Her voice whispered into the wind as they continued to fight. Each managing to wound the other with every other slice till he knocked her sai out of her grip and ran at her.

She could have dodged the incoming hit he knew it, but as the sudden warmth of liquid hit his face he knew she had chosen not to. And that she had let him sip the blade threw her chest but what he had not thought he would fell pain as well as he looked down at his own chest and saw the handle of her shuriken sticking out of his left shoulder. His eyes widen as she slumps forwards his arms grabbing at her yanking the blade from her. And suddenly his hands are pushing her into him as his head falls down to rest on her left shoulder and tears leak out of his eyes, "Why? Why did you not move?"

She looks up at his with blurry eyes her left hand moving to touch his face and with her last breaths she whispers to him, "So that you will live, my love." She then goes limp and he knows she is gone. Picking up his katana he sheaths it before reaching down to pick up her body carrying her bridal style he leaves with her. Moving back into the shadows he leaves. The only trace that they had been there was a blood stained pool in the snow and foot prints.

He stands on the porch  looking out at the Sakura trees and the katana that sticks out of the ground. The years have aged him and the once shinny blade now rusted due to the elements. His hands never killed after that night.

The Beginning or is it The End

They say that everything has a beginning and an end... But what they don't tell you is which comes first, the beginning or the end. You see the beginning is the origin and the end is where it ceases to exist. But in other aspects one can not have a beginning with out first having an end. So the question now is, is it the beginning or is it the end? Only one can tell the answer to that question, and that one does not yet know its answer...

The cold season had finally ceases its even ending assault on the tinny cabin on the side of the mountain. The woman was also finally fully healed from her injuries and now she would venture out daily to stand under the sakura trees that lined the mountain. And every day when the sun was going down she would come back to the tinny cabin smelling of their smell. But even when she did this the shadow never stopped watching her every movement, even though it never left the confines of the cabin almost as though it was afraid of the sun.


He watched her movements that day as she crouched over a small wooden tub scrubbing at the cloth in her hands trying to get it clean. All his weight seemed to be placed on his right shoulder that currently was propped up by the post beside him on the porch. Letting out a deep sigh he watched her for a few more moments before standing strait again and turning to go back threw the doors into the house. Walking as silently as a mouse he moved to grab his katakana before walking back out the doors and vanishing. Out of her life completely.

She knew the moment he left, but yet she did not stop what she was doing she would not chase him. This was his choose and his alone. They had already had this argument he knew her views on it and she knew his. He knew she saw his act as careless thinking that if he left she would be safer, if they wanted her they would come regardless if he was there or not. She knew it and she knew he knew it as well deep down but yet he was still stubborn and stuck in his ways. Sighing she shock her head and put her focus back on the cloth in her hands.

Day, weeks, months and even years went by before he walked the path back to the small cabin. Opening one of the doors he looked in found it empty. A frown graced his face as he took in coldness in the once warm room he was looking at. He had herd rumors of what had happened but he had held hope that they were not true but looking around now he realized it was all a false hope. She had left and took her place in town as the new lords wife. Sighing he slammed the door shut and took off for town.

She moved threw the streets smiling at the towns people they all seemed happy with her being the new lady. Stopping in her steps at the sight of two little kids tugging on their mothers kimono sleeve while pointing to some sweet rolls she saw the look of pain that crossed their mothers face and walking over quickly she asked the mother if she would not mind taking a few of the rolls off of her hands since she seemed to have bought to many by accident. The mother started to protest but at the protestant look she gave her the woman gave in and accepted the rolls thanking her before giving the kids one each and walking off.

A man moved up behind her and placed his hand on her back lightly turning her head she looked up at him and smiled chuckling at her and shaking his head the started making their way back home.

The shadow watched the seen in silence. He knew this was not the end, he would not let this be the end...

Trust is a weakness, Betrayal is the hidden blade.

If one is to trust then they must have some sort of faith in another a truth of actions and character, and if one was to be betrayed by someone then there must have been some sort of lose of that trust some where in time...

The shoji sliding door was closed the amado had been put up long ago to keep out the cold and the rain to protect what was inside the small heated home. Hiding in one of the dark corners covered in shadow was a figure that appeared to be sitting on its heals head bent down ward. But other then that one could not tell if it were male of female. Outside the wind blew a harsh bitter cold breeze threw the trees and up the side of the mountain. Even the shadow seemed to shiver from its chill. In the morning the rain would be ice and snow but little of that mattered it had never had any effect on the shadow...

There was a shuffling sound coming from the other corner where there seemed to be bump on the darkened floor. The shadow watched as the bump moved and held its breath till they herd the familiar sound of someone snoring lightly, letting the breath free the shadow watched as it formed a cloud in front of its face. It was cold too cold sighing once again as it looked over at the bump on the floor it stood then forced open the shoji door and crept silently along the small deck to go retrieve more wood.

The moment the shadow left the room the bump on the floor shot up and was no longer covered in shadow. It was a young woman her brown hair was pulled into a long braid that fell down her back she pulled at her sleeping wear she closed it and held it there for a moment as she let her eyes adjust. Her hazel eyes taking in every corner in the small confined room she could smell the all so familiar smell of rain. Lightning flashed and she could see that the door had been slid open looking to the other bed she saw that it hadn't even been touched.

With a sigh she dropped her head and reached out to grab at her cover wrapping it around her shoulders she stood. And proceed to attempt to fallow where the shadow had gone...

She had found the shadow standing out side in the rain tilting her head to the side she let it hit one of the posts. The small thud was enough to ketch his attention and he turned eyeing her for a moment relief flooding in his eyes as they fell upon her. As he turned completely to face her he held a small stack of wood under one arm he watched as her left hand stretched out in an offer. He froze for a moment before looking her in the eyes almost as if questioning her for the action. He watched as she smiled and continued to stair at her, his eyes left hers for a brief moment to look at her right arm which was bandaged and held up in a sling.

She watched as he swallowed thickly and sighed lifting one foot to move towards him. And as son as her foot left the floor he was in front of her taking the extended hand with his free one. Smiling once again she nodded and lead them back to the comfort of the small room...